A very wise client asked me a few months ago, “How Do I Love Myself?”
Aside from the obvious, unmotivating answers we have all heard, such as “because you have to”, “you need to love yourself before loving others”, “because loving yourself is crucial to your self-esteem” and “if you don’t love yourself, how can you fully enjoy life?”, I honestly didn’t know how to approach the question in a helpful manner.
I let this question simmer in the back of my mind for a few months. Then last weekend, part of the answer triggered within me. I am hoping this will help put things in perspective as to why this is probably the most important question we all need to answer to attain a successful, meaningful and happy life.
First of all, I strongly believe that we are living on this planet to learn many life lessons that will help us grow spiritually. No matter what your beliefs are, chances are you have said at one point or another, “I think I finally learned my lesson”, or “Lesson learned, now I can move on”. However, the one major lesson we all have in common is that we need to learn to love! Not just “say” the world love, or “think” the word love, but TRULY love.
This seems so simple in concept but it involves so much trial and error. First of all, the opposite of love is fear. So if you have any fear in your body at all, that means you are not operating 100% from love. Fear based emotions and feelings include doubt, judgement of others, anger, manipulation, tension, blame, emotional pain, and so much more. These often turn into the ugly self-indulging side-effects, like self-doubt, self-judgement, self-frustration, self-sabotage, self-blame, self-inflicted pain and a self-perceived victim mentality.
Also remember that fear is a master of disguise. So if you channel all of your energy into something “good”, that can sometime lead to an obsession which is ultimately led by fear. The trick is to know when the obsession is healthy and when it is limiting. For example, an amazing athlete can channel very positive energy into a sport, but if the athlete starts to dismiss the value of people in their lives and start to judge others by feeling superior, then the obsession is fuelled by fear.
While we are all living our “perfectly imperfect” lives, we have opportunities almost everyday to work on eliminating the lower-vibrating fears within ourselves. Instead of feeling like a victim and reacting like a victim, always try to observe the situation from all angles instead. Feel compassion for each side of the story, but do not feed into it or identify with either side.
Also remember, as long as you are still judging others, you will always be judging yourself. Most of the time, we judge ourselves even more critically than we judge others.
Finally, always do your best to forgive others. If you can learn to forgive others, you can then learn to forgive yourself. And if you can learn to forgive yourself, then you can truly learn to love yourself. In its pure form, our soul is pure love. So strive to purify your soul each and every day. The less fear you have within you, the more enjoyable life will be!